Balancing startup and family is a constant juggling act. Some behind-the-scenes thoughts on the entrepreneur my family sees.

I’m an entrepreneur. I work hard, play hard, and post on social media about my successes and the attractive people I meet in entrepreneurial high society.

I’m a father of three children. My family is my true strength in life, and I get my energy from spending time with them. There is not a single day without a happy family shot on social media. The kids are always nicely dressed, their faces pixelated, of course.

Wait, no.

I’m an entrepreneur. I work hard, I struggle over and over again, and you normally don’t hear anything about those struggles outside my founding team, my family, and my inner circle of friends.

I’m a father of three children. I am just coming home from the office, and all hell is breaking loose because the three kids all want that same spoon, and it’s unfair that they can’t have it all.

I’m getting up early one Saturday morning to finish some of that unfinished work, and I hear that distinctive sound of somebody vomiting. The day certainly won’t change for the better now.

Hm, entrepreneurial reality seems to contrast with entrepreneurial clout on social media.

Most articles on entrepreneurship are written by entrepreneurs, not their families. Let me try to change the perspective from mine to the perspective of my family (full disclosure: I wrote this, not my family!).

1. Dad is always working

As an entrepreneur, there is always more to do than you have time for. Nothing is perfect, everything is urgent, so an entrepreneur’s task list is always full.

Furthermore, entrepreneurs build something out of nothing, which involves a lot of trial and error: Just get started, without thinking too much about what could go wrong. When things go wrong (which they eventually will), you adjust your approach to the problem, and you retry a second, third, or fourth time. Accepting to do things twice is one of my core principles in entrepreneurship. But doing things twice takes twice the amount of time.

Your family doesn’t necessarily understand this approach. To them, it might look like Dad is always working — after dinner, on Sunday morning when they wake up.

2. Work is more important than us

Many times in my career, I said no to my kids to play cards after dinner, because I had to attend a call with some potential partners or clients in the United States.

Instead of sitting on the couch and drinking wine with my spouse, I spent countless evenings in front of the computer, working on tech issues, financial plans, and other things that require undisturbed concentration.

Last year, I even had to skip the Easter festivities with my family because I had to attend an RFP presentation in Southeast Asia on Monday morning after Easter. And as a follow-up to this trip, I had to answer several early-morning calls from a prospective customer in Southeast Asia during the holidays I spent in the mountains with my daughter.

Your family might think that work is more important to you than they are. Personally speaking, that’s not true. But as an entrepreneur, if work is not getting done, you can’t write invoices, you won’t get your salary, and you won’t be able to put food on the table. Work is not more important than the family, but work is important for the family.

3. Plans change constantly

I have been working in the aviation industry for a very long time, so naturally, I know many pilots. Before I was an entrepreneur, I could relate to their complaints that their life was unpredictable until the schedule for the next month became available on the 22nd.

Ever since I started being an entrepreneur, I cannot relate to their complaints anymore. My life is unpredictable all the time. On-site meetings are scheduled at the last minute, irrespective of the country or the time zone. Customer urgencies pop up unexpectedly, no matter if you have scheduled a night out with your wife or if there is a concert at your kids’ school.

Your spouse and kids will most probably ask themselves why your plans change all the time, even though you insist on calendar invites for all family-related events.

Let’s look at the bright side. When I was a kid, my father’s plans often changed for business reasons, and there were many occasions when holidays were canceled at short notice, or we left for holidays without my father. In my case, I don’t cancel holidays, but I always take the computer with me so that I can take the odd call at odd times to keep family and company in balance.

4. Everyone is an idiot

As an entrepreneur, I sometimes have what I call shit days: Nothing works out the way you planned it, everything takes much longer than you expected, and instead of clearing your workload, everybody deposes their own little problems on your desk.

When I’m having a shit day, my family feels it, too (so do my co-founders). Either I’m in a bad mood over dinner, or I tell my spouse and kids in all openness what idiotic things and idiotic people I had to deal with all day long. It’s the names of those idiotic people that my kids remember and repeat on the most inconvenient occasions sometime down the road.

To be fair, I’m not just sharing my bad mood with my family, but also my good mood. When the day went well and we made some progress in the company, my family feels that at the dinner table, too. I’ve heard my kids say “Dad is in a good mood today” many times in the past.

Conclusion

You can’t be a successful entrepreneur without your family’s support. Most of the time, the support is implicit, as it’s hard for spouses and kids to help with the workload you’re facing in your company. I can only do what I do because I don’t have to put time and energy into arguments about why work takes so long, why plans change all the time, or why I am angry because of a person my family has never met.

So you might ask yourselves: “Why on earth would somebody ever start a company if it is such a struggle?”

My honest answer: I don’t know. Either you have that inner desire to build something out of nothing and accept the hardships that come with it, or you choose a more comfortable life.

Doubtlessly, this way of life will leave traces with your kids and spouse — good ones and bad ones.