Like it or not, oftentimes you have to put back your individual needs for the common good. That’s the foundation of tactics. A true story of how I explained it to my kids.
“It’s not my job to help you clean up the table.”
“I didn’t play with this toy, I don’t have to help clean it up.”
“It was my sister who made this mess, it’s unfair that you ask me to help clean it up.”
“My brother started teasing me, so I won’t help.”
All parents out there know these sentences, and there are thousands more like this.
The other night, I was alone with my three kids aged 12, 10, and 8, and the above sentences mixed fluidly with the repeated request, “Dad, can we play cards?”. One hour to bedtime, dinner not cleaned up yet, not ready for bed, so what could we do?
Let’s Work As A Team
As an entrepreneur and an active reserve officer, I firmly believe that most successes are only possible when working in a team. Like it or not, oftentimes you have to put back your individual needs for the common good. That’s the foundation of tactics.
So, how do you explain this to your kids? How can we clean up and play cards in the remaining hour before bedtime?
I decided to use an example from the military. I explained to them that in the trenches, irrespective of who has done how much, or who has said what, success is a joint achievement. And if you don’t succeed, the entire team loses — with devastating consequences. I could also have used an example from my daily job as Founder & CEO of Yonder, a B2B SaaS company, the principles are the same. But with all the press coverage on all the wars out there, a military example seemed more practicable to me.
The Mission
My kids understood my example from the military in principle, but they looked for a more practical example. So here is what I said:
“We have to accomplish the following mission in the next 25 minutes:
- Clean up the kitchen
- Everybody goes into the bathtub and washes their hair
- Everybody brushes their teeth
- Everybody puts on their pajamas
If we succeed in this, we can play cards for 35 minutes before we go to bed. If we don’t succeed, we’ll have to do another round to get you trained.”
Excitement, and hectic. So before we started, I asked some questions and gave them some guidance.
Question 1: What’s the key resource?
The bathtub, I explained. In contrast to brushing teeth and putting on pajamas, only one child can be in the bathtub at a time. So we need a sequence, my kids said. With a time limit for each child, let’s say 5 min per child.
Question 2: How much spare time shall we keep?
Not too much, but not too little, my kids said. If something goes wrong, we still want to accomplish the mission, but we also want to use the time to the max to ensure we do a good job.
Question 3: How are we going to clean up the kitchen?
In our family, we have a round-robin schedule, with each kid having the duty to help clean up the kitchen for a week. My kids immediately realized that the one who is on kitchen cleaning duty might need help with his other tasks, as he has an additional task. One for all, all for one.
Question 4: Who else might need help?
My youngest son said he needs my help with brushing his teeth. So the kids immediately realized they needed to plan my resources, too. They said that they didn’t know that they could also plan my resources. What an insight for a bunch of primary school kids.
Let’s Go
Three, two, one, GO.
The events unfolded, the first kid went into the bathtub, and the other two were engaged in brushing their teeth and helping to clean up the kitchen.
Five minutes later, change of crew at the bathtub. Everything seemed smooth. I was checking on the progress while simultaneously drying some dishes.
I said, “Why didn’t you wash your hair?” — “Oh, I forgot in the hectic”, my daughter said. “What shall I do now, the bathtub is already occupied with the next kid.” I said that we needed an extra slot to wash my daughter’s hair after the second kid had left the bathtub, and before the third kid went into the bathtub. “I’m really glad we factored in some spare time”, my daughter said. That was the second insight my kids had in that exercise.
Now my daughter announced to her brothers that she needs an extra slot in the bathtub because she forgot to wash her hair. No moaning, no complaining, but positive acknowledgment from the boys. Everybody realized that this extra slot was necessary to achieve the overall mission.
Towards the end of the set time, the kids realized that the one who was still helping to clean up the kitchen needed some help. Otherwise, he couldn’t take his assigned bathtub slot, and as a consequence he couldn’t put on his pajamas, and we’d fail our mission. The kid who was in the bathtub first picked up the clean-up task in the kitchen— again without moaning and complaining.
We finished the mission three minutes earlier than targeted, and we spent the rest of the evening playing cards. Most importantly, the kids felt it was their success that they could play cards now.
What Stayed Behind?
Fast forward one day. I am still on my own with my three kids. During dinner, their request was different than it was the day before: “Dad, can we do tactical cleanup again today so that we can play cards afterward?” This time, it was easier than the day before because the kids already knew the guidelines and had the confidence that they could succeed.
Fast forward another day. Imagine you need to board a crowded train with three kids and luggage. The train arrives, there is very limited time, and it’s chaotic.
I didn’t have to say a word. The kids helped each other with the luggage and finding a seat for the entire team. They also made sure that everybody was on board and communicated with each other to get things organized, all without being hectic.
Tactics is mostly common sense, but it needs proper and regular training. Then it works even with kids.
